Peace....Finally

* This satirical story was originally published in the book "The Right to Vote is Wrong." 

by Marina Aristo Markovic 

I used to think nothing could be worse than greeting the morning dead. That was until it happened to me this morning, after which I stopped thinking altogether.

Death knocked the wind out of me in an instant, like nothing in life ever had.

The alarm started ringing, and I lay there cold and dead. I wasn’t bothered. In fact, I realized death was oddly soothing.

A mountain of obligations awaited me, so my sudden death felt almost convenient. At last, I no longer had to invent excuses to postpone them, especially the most unpleasant ones, like the awkward conversation with my boss about the stalled business, or the even more awkward lunch with my recently ex-wife about the stalled marriage. And while we’re on the subject, I tell you seriously: “Till death do us part” has nothing to do with life.

The alarm kept ringing.

Next-door, my neighbor was renovating his bathroom, making noise from early morning for days now. This morning was no exception. The Hilti drill roared like a chainsaw, while the neighbor upstairs added his own soundtrack of swearing between pauses.

The building was alive with sound, proving that every person is perfectly capable of surviving someone else’s death without the slightest consequence.

Finally, silence arrived when the neighbors took a breakfast break, and my phone battery died. At last, I felt the complete, long-desired peace.

I could only conclude that if a man sees death as an escape from life, it becomes surprisingly easy when the time comes.